The Musician’s Practical Guide for Dealing With Rejection

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I once had a music reviewer say “please, no more acoustic music!” I’m an acoustic soul-singer/songwriter. That was a punch to the gut!

The constant cycle of calling, emailing, pitching, inquiring and getting either no answer or a flat-out “no” is simply depressing.

And please, let’s not even talk about some of our fellow musicians who can be the worst snobs of them all.

-…vocals are a little pitchy
– You need more experience.
– I’m not feeling your music.

These are just a few of the things people have said directly to me about my music. I’ve heard horror stories from fellow musicians too about getting that gut punch. Take Erin McAndrew, for example. She says she was even kicked out of her band.

It hurts. It makes you want to go hide under a rock. It’s not fun…like, at all!

Dealing with rejection is a huge struggle because in addition to it causing physical loss, it is also emotionally damaging. Rejection has caused me to experience feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, despair, and overall confusion about why I do what I do. I know I’m not alone! Countless other musicians feel the same way and if we don’t have a healthy way to manage these ramifications, rejection can cause a tailspin that leads to mental health episodes.

As musicians, it’s uber important to take care of ourselves!

What do you do as a response to rejection? How do you cope? How do you manage the uneasy feelings that come up when rejection takes place? Let’s talk about a mental wellness plan.

Keep a Diary of Positivity

There are going to be trolls and people who aren’t nice. They will say mean things. It’s inevitable. If you put yourself and your music out there, not everyone will like it. But that’s ok. You have to remind yourself that you have followers and people who do believe in you. Start keeping track of your positive reviews. Anytime anyone says anything nice about you, your artistry, your work, or your music – save it. Start collecting all the nice things people are saying about you and put it into a journal. Clip it out and make a scrapbook. Copy it down in a notebook. Or copy and paste it on a document on your computer.

Whenever you receive any negative feedback, go back and read the comments in your ‘diary of positivity.’ Remind yourself that you are valued and worthy.

Build Self-Confidence

Knowing who you are and believing in yourself makes a world of difference when it comes to thriving in places of vulnerability. If you have confidence in your ability and who you are as a musician, you’ll have a much easier time managing personal feelings of disappointment and rejection. There are lots of things you can do to build your self-confidence such as investing more time in practicing and getting better at your craft; learning to get outside of your comfort zone, reading books, and incorporating therapy.

Having confidence as a musician has so many benefits! There is much to discuss in this area. So much, that we had to write about that in an entirely separate post. See our article on building self-confidence as a musician here.

Repeat Positive Affirmations

But, you don’t have to rely on other people to validate you. Practice validating yourself. Tell yourself positive things about what you’re doing. Learn to compliment yourself. Write down your own self-compliments and re-read them. Practice being mentally supportive of yourself. For those of us who come from abusive backgrounds, this is especially helpful because we likely internalized negative messages about ourselves. These messages are incredibly damaging because they promote devaluation and self-deprecation. They cause us to miss out on opportunities because we believe we’re not good enough. Practice telling yourself….

• I am enough.
• I am worthy.
• I make good decisions.
• I make good music.
• My music makes a positive impact on people.
• I am here for a good purpose.

Read these and say them out loud every day. A good regimen to try is to review these positive affirmations every morning. Repeatedly exposing yourself to good messages puts you in a more healthy mindset and builds confidence. You’ll be more stable when/if you do receive negative feedback. For more mindfulness prompts, we recommend A Year of Mindfulness by Jennifer Raye. It’s a powerful journal that provides effective ways to make practicing mindfulness a part of your everyday routine.

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Take What You Need; Leave the Rest

Learn to have an open mind to rejective messages. Ask yourself productive questions about the incident. Ask yourself if there is any truth to what is being communicated. Make a mental note of what you may need to work on. But don’t overthink it. Be quick and decisive. If you can identify a takeaway, great. If not, move on. The key step here is to move on quickly. Don’t dwell on it.

On the flip side, there may not be anything you can take from it at all. Try to judge whether the statement is made out of hatefulness and coming from a nasty place. If it is, give yourself permission to ignore it. You don’t have to receive anything that comes from a negative place.

Routinely Engage in Self-Care

When you operate from a place of support and feeling loved, you tend to have a more clear and realistic perspective on things. Put effort into promoting an environment for yourself where you feel loved, a sense of belonging, and supported. Giving yourself a stable environment starts with your own efforts and intention for yourself. Learn to love yourself. Treat yourself with kindness. Ask yourself things like…

• What do I need in this moment?
• How can I support myself right now?
• What’s the best way to get a positive outcome for me?
• Does this serve me?

When you answer these questions make sure to listen to yourself and give yourself what you need. Making a habit of self-care makes you more likely to look objectively at things because you’re coming from a place of wholeness and stability. With this mindset, you’ll be able to handle rejection a lot more easily.

Watch Out for Other Musicians

Sometimes other musicians aren’t for you. I don’t mean this figuratively. They are literally against you. Some musicians will block you from advancing forward if they are in a place to do so. Some musicians will bad mouth you to others. Some musicians will pretend to be your friend while plotting against you. They mean you harm. It’s important to network and do community with like-minded people, but be on the lookout for people who might not have the best intentions toward you. Stay away from people like this.

Be alert and pay attention to how other musicians behave and the things you hear other people say about them. I don’t mean to get ‘woo-woo’ on you, but also pay attention to vibes. If what someone is saying and how they are presenting themselves is different than how you feel when you’re around them, your intuition is telling you to watch out. Listen and be careful.

If you’re involved with these types of people in any way it can be detrimental to your sense of confidence and overall mental health. Being a part of this type of dynamic will make it extremely difficult to manage rejection or adverse circumstances. It’s unsafe. See the section below on Unsafe Dynamics.

*Members Only Content* Excerpt: I have had my share of over-competitive; false-presenting frenemy-type musicians! I’ll never forget the time I was contacted out of the blue by a fellow musician in my town. We had similar styles and even resembled each other…(This content is for Crafty Community Members Only. To unlock this content either login below or become a member.)

Put an End to Unsafe Dynamics

Whether it’s a dead-end job, a toxic relationship, or poor circumstances, you can’t expect to manage disappointment or negativity well when you’re surrounded by it. Take inventory of your environment and make adjustments as needed. Don’t settle for negative or unsafe circumstances. Learn to set boundaries with toxic people. Have the courage to make changes in your life that make you feel better. Remind yourself that you deserve better. If you don’t like your situation, do what it takes to change it.

Only you know what’s best for you and believe it or not, unless you’re a minor, you have the power to make positive changes in your life. Believe in yourself. Don’t be afraid to pursue change.

Unfortunately, rejection is a part of being a creative artist. It comes with the territory. I wish I could tell you that you’ll get to a point in your career where there will be no rejection. Or that you’ll eventually be immune to rejection. That’s not the case. Rejection is a necessary part of being an independent artist. Music is subjective and people have very distinct musical appetites. Not only that, people do have biases, social differences, and the industry is over-run by people with cut-throat and jealous energy. With all of these factors in play, rejection is bound to happen from time to time. Don’t be surprised. Be prepared.

Have you dealt with rejection? What is your advice for dealing with rejection? Tell us in the comments section below.

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