Social Quips When Talking to Your Family about Your Music Career

• Save

Our family and friends naturally tend to be our biggest supporters and can help us to believe in ourselves even when we’ve given up. Unfortunately, they can also be our biggest detractors and can say some of the most hurtful and discouraging things, whether they mean to or not. 

With the holiday season now upon us, you could find yourself in some potential situations soon where you’ll have to explain or even defend your career choice as a musician. To better prepare you, we want to look at some of the most common questions and comments that are often brought up and discuss the best ways to navigate around them. 

At the end of the day, we can’t control what others think or say, but we can control how we react to them. With that said, here are some social quips you can use when talking to your family and friends about your music career.

Goals

We all have goals or things we hope to accomplish in our careers. The tricky thing about being a musician is that people tend to have their own assumptions about what ‘making it’ is and therefore will often try to force their own goals upon us. Below are some common questions and comments related to goals as well as our suggested replies.

1) Have you thought about being on a singing competition like The Voice or American Idol?

This is the one we probably get the most. While we know people who have had great experiences and opportunities open up from being on these shows, it’s obviously not the only route one must take to have a career in music. If you’re over 28, then an easy way out is to point to the fact that you’re over American Idol’s age limit. Another angle that we often take is to explain that while those shows do feature talented singers, their main purpose is to make entertaining television and that we’re not interested in that. Our focus is on making a living as musicians, which we’re doing. On the other hand, if this is a goal of yours, you could explain that you would love to be on one of these shows someday but that you’re currently focused on other aspects of your career. The main point is that you’re not a failure just because you haven’t been on a televised singing competition.

• Save

2) Why haven’t you gotten signed by a label yet?

This one probably comes in second as far as questions we get the most. For some, getting signed is the ultimate goal and they put everything into achieving that. We’ll often explain that our main goal early on was to make an honest living doing music and we determined that that was achievable whether we ever got signed to a label or not. The fact that we were indeed able to achieve that tends to shut them up. At the same time, we’ll explain that if a label came to us with a deal that made sense, we would definitely consider it but in the meantime, we’re moving forward with our music career regardless. If getting signed by a label is a goal of yours, you could explain that you would love to get backed by a label but only a small percentage of artists ever actually achieve this, and in the meantime, you’re enjoying your accomplishments outside of that.

3) What are you doing to try and get discovered?

I think it’s safe to say that every musician wants to be heard and seen, so chances are you’re already trying to put yourself out there. You’re probably promoting your music on social media, building up your youtube channel, and putting on live shows. You might even be trying to get your music included in Spotify playlists or played on radio stations and tv shows. It’s possible though that ‘getting discovered’ to this person means becoming a household name, and if so, whatever you tell them will probably not be good enough. In that case I would just change the subject.

+ Related: 15 Do’s and Don’t’s of Submitting Your Music for Radio Airplay

4) Why can’t you be like this band or artist?

One thing that a lot of people don’t understand is that there’s basically two different music industries; the mainstream and independent. While both create equally great music, it’s not fair to compare the two. What an independent musician does on a daily basis to further their career is usually very different from a superstar on a major label. You might be able to explain this and actually educate the person, but if it’s someone who’s not very open minded, then it might not be worth it. Another trick is to flip it and compare them to unique figures in their profession. For instance, if they’re a lawyer, you could ask them why they can’t be more like Johnny Cochran and have high-profile cases on CourtTV or if they’re a doctor, why can’t they be like Dr. Oz and have their own talk show. That ought to quiet them up.

5) Where do you see your career going?

This could actually be a really good and thoughtful question, it just depends on who’s asking it and what their tone is. If they seem sincere, I’d tell them the truth i.e. I’m looking to add on a couple more musicians to the band so that we have a bigger sound, and then I’m going to try and get some festivals and opening slots once we’re past this pandemic. But if it feels like their just implying that you’re career is not going anywhere, then again, nothing you tell them will be good enough. In that case, I’d keep it moving.

Money / Success

For some reason, when it comes to being a musician, people seem to think that your finances are fair game. You will probably get some inquiries into your finances at some point if you haven’t already. Below are some common questions and comments related to money as well as our suggested replies.

1) How much money do you make as a musician?

Obviously, this is none of their business. Some people though will be bold enough to ask these types of questions. I usually just say that we’re making plenty or enough to live comfortably. If it’s someone you really trust, you might feel comfortable opening up your finances to them, but I personally wouldn’t.

• Save

2) Do you make enough to live off of? 

These types of questions always crack me up! My response is usually, ‘we’re living, aren’t we?” Or, “when’s the last time I begged you for money?” Obviously you could take a more subtle and less defensive approach and just say, ‘yes, I do.” It’s up to you.

+ Related: Gift Ideas for the Musician in Your Life
+ Related: How to Give Yourself a Raise in the New Year

3) Do you make enough from your tours to make it worth your while?

This one is a lot like the previous question and has come up for us after telling someone about an upcoming tour. It always baffles me because, ultimately, we wouldn’t be doing it if it wasn’t worth it. Now granted, especially early on, you might decide to do a tour just to break even, knowing that you’re planting seeds for future opportunities. Even in that case, you would have determined that it was indeed worth it before going through the trouble of doing it.

+Related: How to Make a Profit on Your Next Tour

4) Have you gotten any traction or made any progress yet?

We’ve gotten this one a few times from various people. The trick here is that progress to them might be different than what it is to you. You might be really excited about a new gig opportunity at a local brewery but in the meantime they’re wondering how that’s going to help you become the halftime performer at the Superbowl. So again, try to understand what they’re expectations are or it could make for a painful conversation.

Job Choice

You’ve already made your choice, now you must defend it. We’ve actually gotten a lot of questions and comments about our choice to have a career in music over the years. Below are some of the most common ones with our suggestions.

1) Do you have a back-up plan?

While it’s smart to have a back-up plan and you should always give yourself permission to stop if it isn’t working out, this question can sometimes come with the implication of certain failure. If I was giving them the benefit of the doubt, I would say that I’ve got some ideas of other things I could do if necessary, but that my focus at that point is 100% on my career in music.

• Save

2) Have you thought about getting a real job?

A few years ago I actually had a ‘real’ job, but then I walked away from it to pursue a full-time career in music with my wife, and I’ve never regretted it. When I’ve gotten this question, I’ve always said “I don’t have time for a real job because I’m too busy with the job I have.” While a question like this can feel like an insult at first, it’s actually quite sad for the person asking it because it shows their inability to accept being a musician as a legitimate career, when it can in fact be very freeing and rewarding. Another version of this question is “Have you thought about being a teacher/car salesman/etc.?” My response again is always “no, I’m too busy being a musician to think about that.”

3) I think you should consider getting a real job so that you can have the normal benefits…

A fan actually sent us a message once suggesting that I get a job so that we can have benefits (here’s more on that incident). The funny thing about this is that when you work for someone, your employer is not giving you those benefits for free, they’re of course taking them out of the top of your paycheck. So if your self-employed, no matter what you’re doing, who’s to say you can’t pay for health insurance and invest in a retirement plan with your earnings yourself? Once you explain this there shouldn’t be much else to discuss on this matter. 

4) Is it harder being a musician than you thought?

While this too could also be a really genuine and thoughtful question, it just depends on who’s asking and what their tone is. They could very well be implying that you’re struggling or having a harder time than you thought you would. Truth be told, it is hard work being an independent musician and challenges will come up that you never expected. You just have to consider the source and whether you trust them enough before diving into this. 

So if you’ve been feeling kind of weird after a recent conversation with someone about being a musician, know that you’re not alone, it happens to us all. Hopefully, these tips can help you to be better prepared for a strong comeback the next time someone asks a question or makes a comment that doesn’t feel right. If there’s any we might have missed, please share them in the comments section and maybe we’ll add them to the article with a shout-out to you.

---

Enjoying this content? We’d love to send you our latest posts fresh off the press! We’ll deliver new posts directly to your inbox. Plus, you’ll be notified when we host giveaways, webinars, and other fun stuff. Join our mailing list here.

Want to showcase your product to our audience? Take a look at our advertising options here.

Some of the links in this post could be affiliate links. This means if you click on the link and make a purchase, we could get a commission payment as a result. We are an Amazon Associate, so a lot of our links go directly to Amazon, one of our fave online retailers. The products we recommend on this site are personally recommended by us because we either have used the product personally or know close friends who have. There is no extra cost to you by clicking on our links. Plus, it helps keep this blog going. Win-Win! If you have any questions about our affiliate policy, click here to view our terms of service.